Caution..Too Many Potholes Ahead Turn Around

I don't have a great picture/image to go along with this blog. If I were to put one up it would be of a road that had huge potholes in them (kinda like any road on the interstate), with a big sign that said "Turn Around" or "This Is Going To Suck Go Back". I'm coming off such a good feeling with my last entry that this seems like such a blow. So yeah, what if I just turned around and went back. What if I could just tap my shoes and go back where I was two years ago and just suck it up (sorry that's twice I've used the word suck-three now). I think it would be a lot easier to live in denial of unhappiness then this.

What triggered this set back? This sudden turn of regret? Well let me tell you it's not because I miss my husband and wish we were walking hand in hand again. Don't misunderstand me that I didn't want to be like that- I tried> This set back started this afternoon after a long weekend of activities and I was looking forward to having an evening to myself to sit in front of the tv and watch movies. Well, the dad seemed a bit peeved that the kids were going to stay at his house tonight, which I find odd because he hadn't seen them since Tuesday. So when I came to drop their clothes off for the night he seemed a bit put off so I took them back home with me. I sent the kids out to the car and had a few choice words for the dad. Well- let's just say that they won't be seeing their dad the rest of the weekend. I've tried to be open and let the kids go over whenever=no big set days like in the divorce papers. Well now I realize that I have to take over and not let them over and stick to the every other weekend plan. This is where I break down. I've enjoyed having nights during the week to myself and every Saturday, now it's all piled back onto me. It looks like I'll be heading back to my lawyer to go over some things that have come up that need to be discussed and maybe eventually go back to court. Blah Blah Blah...So quit crying about it- you dug your hole so live in it.

I'm also frustrated that I have a house that needs work, kids that are hurt and frustrating, people stealing my lawn mower and grill- when the heck am I supposed to catch a break? I'm mad that this path is hard and maybe too hard for me to handle. I know God is with me but I can't help but feeling that I keep going in the wrong direction. Was this the right path after all?
Am I just tired?

I feel like roadkill on Self Pitty Lane.

As a friend once told me simply to do, "Pray."

Same Road Different Feelings

Ok, I must confess this is not the road I will be writing about- but I would have looked stupid taking a picture of the bike path! This is actually the road into the Lutheran Camp the kids went to last week. I guess I'm pretty dorky for taking a picture of that?? I'm glad a tree didn't jump out in front of the car!

The road I'm writing about is the bike path in Rochelle. For the last two years I've been roller blading on that path and as I began my third summer on it- I had a epiphany!

I began roller blading WAAYY back when I was a teenie bopper. My friend in High school- Debbie got me started. We'd go all the time- and I loved it. Of course as all things happen- my roller blading days got interrupted by having children and life's daily chores- there was no time for one of my favorite activities anymore. About two summers ago I decided to buy some new blades. The funny thing that I realized today was that was exactly two summers ago when my life began falling apart. I would head out to the path every evening to get away from my family. I needed time alone- and also needed to do something that I used to love to do. I would think about things and relieve some stress along with it. It was the time in my life when things were so confusing which led to a bout with depression. It was also the time I got an IPod- (Yeah, I know I'm a little behind the times!) I started downloading (or uploading?) some of my favorite songs. I wrote down some of the lyrics of the songs that I was listening to at the time- you might recognize some of them or none:

how many times can I break until I shatter over the line I can find what I'm after..I always turn the car around

where were you when everything was fallin apart lost and insecure you found me lying on the floor- why'd you have to wait? just a little late you found me

i'd walk a thousand miles just to see you tonight

I know it aches and your heart it breaks you can only take so much...walk on you've got to leave it behind- walk on you're strong

is it getting better or do you feel the same will it make it easier on you if you've got someone to blame did i ask to much more than a lot you gave me nothing and that's all i got we hurt eachother and we do it again i can't be holdin on to what you've got if all you've got is hurt

I maybe should have picked some peppier music? I wouldn't had been so depressed perhaps? But that's were I was those days.

So what's the epiphany you ask? Well, last week when I headed out with the same blades on, on the same path with the same music on the Ipod- I felt PEACE! Those same words in those songs didn't effect me the same way. I didn't feel depressed, regret, or anger. I just felt peace. I was stagnet for two years on that same road with my songs and I finally can see that I have moved on> only with God's help- mind you. I wouldn't be writing about these things if God hadn't heard my prayers and also the prayers from others. I know that a lot of people were praying for me- and I'd like to share with you that they helped!

So with that- I will continue listening to my IPod- maybe download a little Lady GAGA and let it roll!

Peace

My June Youth & Family Article

From Your Youth & Family Coordinator:

Okay, you’re a Christian so what are your responsibilities as a follower of Jesus? Wait a minute…I didn’t realize that I would have to “work” at being a Christian? I have to work at my job and take care of my home and family. Why do I need to work at being one of Jesus’ followers? I go to church on Sundays, I sing the songs, I say the prayers, what the heck else is there to do? And why is the church constantly trying to get volunteers for this and for that? Why are we having ANOTHER offering to help someone else in another country? I just want to enjoy my one hour at church and be done with it until next week. I helped last year on that committee, I’ve done my duty.

Okay, now that may not be everyone’s mindset, but I’m sure at least one of these statements has run through our minds at least once. So what is the deal with being a Christian and a member of a church? Well, we are to walk as Jesus has walked. Jesus served other people; he helped the poor and sick; he gave to others. You didn’t hear much about Jesus just hanging out and being passive in his work, however, there were some days that he did want to be alone to pray and rejuvenate. We come to worship on Sunday to receive that rejuvenation from God so we can go out that next week to serve others like Jesus did. But we say there is so much on my plate that I can’t find time to volunteer anymore. I don’t make enough money to contribute to another cause. We have to stop coming up with excuses and become the people that God wants us to be: A loving, giving and hospitable people.

There are a lot of opportunities to help serve others whether it’s in our own church, out in the community, or even out in the world.

Here are some ideas that are featured in this month’s newsletter:

• In our community: The Free Lunch for Kids program will be needing volunteers to help pass out food Monday-Friday.
• In our world: Attend our “Month of Potlucks” to contribute to the fight against world hunger.
• In our church: Volunteer to help with Vacation Bible School, or find out how you can help in other ways.

There are many ways that we can use our gifts to help others. I urge you to take action and become the Christian that God wants us to be! Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rom 12:11

God’s Blessings
Michelle