I don't have a great picture/image to go along with this blog. If I were to put one up it would be of a road that had huge potholes in them (kinda like any road on the interstate), with a big sign that said "Turn Around" or "This Is Going To Suck Go Back". I'm coming off such a good feeling with my last entry that this seems like such a blow. So yeah, what if I just turned around and went back. What if I could just tap my shoes and go back where I was two years ago and just suck it up (sorry that's twice I've used the word suck-three now). I think it would be a lot easier to live in denial of unhappiness then this.
What triggered this set back? This sudden turn of regret? Well let me tell you it's not because I miss my husband and wish we were walking hand in hand again. Don't misunderstand me that I didn't want to be like that- I tried> This set back started this afternoon after a long weekend of activities and I was looking forward to having an evening to myself to sit in front of the tv and watch movies. Well, the dad seemed a bit peeved that the kids were going to stay at his house tonight, which I find odd because he hadn't seen them since Tuesday. So when I came to drop their clothes off for the night he seemed a bit put off so I took them back home with me. I sent the kids out to the car and had a few choice words for the dad. Well- let's just say that they won't be seeing their dad the rest of the weekend. I've tried to be open and let the kids go over whenever=no big set days like in the divorce papers. Well now I realize that I have to take over and not let them over and stick to the every other weekend plan. This is where I break down. I've enjoyed having nights during the week to myself and every Saturday, now it's all piled back onto me. It looks like I'll be heading back to my lawyer to go over some things that have come up that need to be discussed and maybe eventually go back to court. Blah Blah Blah...So quit crying about it- you dug your hole so live in it.
I'm also frustrated that I have a house that needs work, kids that are hurt and frustrating, people stealing my lawn mower and grill- when the heck am I supposed to catch a break? I'm mad that this path is hard and maybe too hard for me to handle. I know God is with me but I can't help but feeling that I keep going in the wrong direction. Was this the right path after all?
Am I just tired?
I feel like roadkill on Self Pitty Lane.
As a friend once told me simply to do, "Pray."
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I'm sorry you're having such a difficult week. I'm not one to try and look on the bright side (you know how much I enjoy a pity party too), but, and maybe if you want me to be truly empathetic..don't read this, but...try and remember you do have people helping you and loving you--you are not alone; remember that your children are quite the wonderful people, who give money to people on the street, no less! And here's more you didn't ask for--maybe a schedule would be good for you and for the kids...knowing exactly where they're supposed to be and when. And, there are plenty of friends (ummm, me) who will watch those said children as well. Michelle, you know you didn't make the wrong decision...and you also know that this is a difficult road for all of you and will take some time to make some new maps. So, have your pity party...and then start painting some road signs. Love you dear friend...
ReplyDeleteYour friend was right about praying. Sometimes when we're feeling low, we try to fix everything ourselves, and that's not what God wants. He wants your dependence on Him. Lean on Him! Especially right now in the middle of your pity party. Pour out your heart to Him. And I'll pray for you too, in the midst of what seems to be a set back.
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