LOST?

If I was a savvy computer person- my upload (or download- never know which) picture would be from the TV show LOST. I have watched LOST from day#1 and have loved it. It was a cliffhanger week to week- you didn't want the story to end- just like a great book! Well, this week LOST ended after 6 years and I watched it with a lot of excitment and sadness because I just didn't want it to end. The show began as some type of mystery story about a plane crashing on a remote island, and got you involved in all the mysterious things that were happening on this island and who were all these people now stuck there. The show ended a lot more spiritually. I can't get into trying to explain all this because it would not make sense to anyone who wasn't a watcher of the show- I couldn't do it justice! Let's just say the concept of good vs. evil was introduced along with the idea of the after life= heaven.

A synopsis (as best as I can explain): The main character, Jack gets stuck on this island and doesn't really know his purpose in life. After what seems like a lifetime of struggles endured- Jack realizes his purpose- and on his deathbed he feels a sense of accomplishment as he has saved the other survivors, and at that point he could finally let go of all life's guilt, pressures, self doubt and pass on knowing he succeeded. Waiting for him in heaven was everyone from the island that meant the most to him. And they celebrated.

Okay, I know it's cheesy to find a lesson in a tv program- but...

I cried more watching this tonight then when I first saw it. I'm not sure why?? I have a couple ideas:

One: it was a well written show with killer dramatic music and after the six years you really grew to love the characters on the show and truly didn't want it to end.

Second idea: I started watching this with my husband six years ago. This was "our" show. We would try to get the kids to bed FAST so we could sit and watch it uninterrupted!!! (We didn't and still don't have a DVR) We loved watching it. But, a lot has happened in six years and at the end of it all we watched the finale separately. It marked an end to something we had together.

Third idea: Anytime you start to think of your own mortality- it gets (at least for me) a bit scarey. Wouldn't it be nice to know at the end of your life while you're on your deathbed, you would feel like you succeeded in this life> that you did what you were meant to do. And after you pass and are in heaven, that you find everyone that mattered to you in your life> and you celebrated with them! Death would not be the end.

Fouth Idea: I'm tired and everything is a little dramatic right now?

I believe it's a combination of all four- plus a lesson (or challenge) to find out what my purpose in this life is and to succeed with God's help.

Am I still LOST on this road?

Paths you have to take

Stairs are a pain in the ass. These are pictures of my stairs in my house. Some of you already know that when you're at my home you HAVE to go upstairs or downstairs (in the basement) to use the bathroom facilities. What a pain! Who designed this place?? I hate these stairs, but I must use them everyday. I have fallen many times down these steps- when my hands were full with laundry, when I was pregnant, when I've been holding a child, and when I've been going too fast I've just slipped right down. I've hurt myself on these and cried many times (and probably said a couple swear words too!) But they're something I have to deal with everyday.

These stairs are like the paths we have to take. I've been on these steps a few thousand times- but each time there has been a different outcome. Some of them have been hurtful and some pretty cool (like when your baby first pulls himself up by using them), and sometimes not much happens like just taking up the laundry or going to bed. It's a lot like this journey we all are on. There are lots of paths that we our on that have led us to heartache, pain, and happiness, and a lot of times the paths are mundane and boring. That is what life is about- discovering things on our chosen paths- and I must say my path has been a combination of all those adjectives- but whose isn't?

Some paths we have no choice to be on- but there are other paths that we could decide to take- but for some reason we become afraid when the path gets too bumpy or lazy when it becomes too steep. Sometimes, there is a bunch of junk piled up on the path ( stairs)- and we continue to ignore it until it grows into a unknown creature who lives on the stairs and then=AHHH! PLOP! You've fallen again. There are things that we ignore in our lives in hopes that it will just go away- but instead it keeps growing until it eventually hurts us.

As I go up my stairs everyday- I like to think that God is with me every step of the way- I'm not guarenteed to not fall or get hurt in this life- but you are guarenteed that God will be with you every step of the way.

Let's climb some stairs...

Having a Roadblock

I'm having a roadblock kinda day- or I'm feeling sorry for myself today. My ex took Luke - the dog which was the original plan- but now I'm feeling sad that I don't have a dog anymore. I have a cat? Someone would had told me that one day you'd be divorced living with a cat- I would have said yeah right- Maybe just the cat part...

I don't have any memory in my entire life that I have not owned a dog. We had them growing up and I've had dogs for 15 years. Maybe the worst part is that then yesterday when I dropped the kids off that Brian had "rescued" another dog and now he has two. The kids were all excited- of course. Now he has the house that has the dogs. I know to you non-animal lovers that this sounds very dramatic-but maybe just for today I'm sad that I don't own a dog anymore.

I'm having a roadblock today...feeling sorry for myself because I can't catch up on the house work or yard work and couldn't get my grill started to cook my dinner. Why did I do this to myself again? Oh yeah= Peace

On the road to a better day tomorrow

"Am I there yet?"

I'm on the road to better days. How long is this going to take?

I hate hearing that..."are we there yet?" "NO!" "We just left 10 minutes ago!!" I feel like I'm the one in the backseat yelling "well, am I there yet?" "What's taking so long?" I'm supposed to be letting God be the driver of my life- but I seem to want to be the backseat driver. What the heck is taking so long God? Okay, the divorce is over...now what? I want to have that life I wanted- but now as I type that I'm not sure what it is?

During the divorce process, I went to counseling and found it very helpful to talk one on one with someone. I sought out a divorce support group. I found something similiar at Heartland church. I went for 14 weeks and found it beneficial. However, when you're divorced you find yourself in a very lonely position- especically when all you have is married friends. Don't get me wrong, my married friends have helped me tremendously- but I'm looking for friendships that have endured the same sorrows- that can relate. I don't want my married friends to relate! I want them to stay married!!! So I have continued to look for support groups. Well, one started tonight at a church in Rockford- so I went (by the way- one should not have to drive 30 miles to get support in this way-I may have to do something about that!) I was hesistant in going because I've been through it already, I really don't need much more information about divorce, I have a few questions but really I'm on the road to recovery- I'm there! Well, my bubble was burst! They were saying that it may take up to 4-5 years to recover from a divorce. Are you flippin kidding me? Dude, I've been done with this for 4 months now- I should be OKAY! I should be able to move on and find that next relationship because I don't want to be a lonely spinster (and old). Well, as one of the leaders said- "oh this is going to be fun" alluding to the fact that I think all is well and done. He says I'm heading in the right direction, but it's too soon to say that I am fully recovered. DANG IT!

So what's the hold up? I know I know, God has His own timing and ours is null and void. I don't want to be someone that gets it wrong a second time because I wasn't ready. It's hard now that I'm single to not have your radar on for any potential cute available guys- Turn the radar off- God will provide the right person to compliment me - not to complete me.

I'm all about roads, paths, journeys= I guess I need to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Putting on my hiking boots

A good friend told me to put on my hiking boots on-be ready for the new road. I couldn't have gotten on that road or stayed on it without this friend. So I say "Thank You!"

It's weird for me to embrace this new life because with this new life came some casualties from the destruction of the old life. These of course have been my kids. How will this will effect them for the rest of their lives?? I don't know? I thought a lot about that and if I should even get divorced because of what it would do to the kids. One piece of advice was to wait until they were older...out of the house- didn't like that one>what do I do in the meantime? Another piece of advice was just don't do it. Well- that wasn't a choice anymore. They say kids are resilient-- I sure hope that's true! Every parent questions their choices in regards to their kids- and parents aren't perfect! I hope that I will not regret my choice- and pray that they understand their mom's choice one day.

I had a lot of nice comments from friends about my article "Why Should Kids Go to Church"- Why did I post that? Well- I posted it on FB because I think that's one way I can do God's work without pushing it in anyone's "face"- hey if you want to read it- Yea! if not that's fine- but it's out there-

I also had some friends reach out today- this was their first time finding out that I was divorced- I really appreciate the care and concern from you.

I'm talking a lot about my divorce- but this is not a blog to bash my ex.- I have no intention in doing that. If my children ever happen open this blog I don't want them to be upset or ashamed at anything written here about their father- that won't happen here. This blog is a way for me to express my thoughts and if my friends want to read them- I'll love them all the more!

Why Should Kids Attend Church? My Youth & Family Newsletter Article - April

From Your Y&F Coordinator:
Last month in my daughter’s kindergarten class, they had chicken eggs in an incubator for a couple weeks. Each day she would give me a report about how the chick eggs were doing; “No chicks yet” she’d report most of the time. Finally at the end of that month the finale began, “The chicks are FINALLY hatching!” There was some sadness to it though because she knew at the end of the week that the chicks were going to be shipped off to the farm. (Now we all know what happens to those chicks but let’s keep this story with a happy ending shall we?) In the end it was a great experience for her and her classmates.

I recently was in attendance at the Congregational Resource Event for the NIS. I was lucky to hear our keynote speaker: Dr. Craig Nessan talk about the church as being an incubator for us to be able to live out God’s mission in the world. I was also lucky enough to have a pen and paper to take notes! I have taken what I heard from Dr. Nessan and tried to give it a twist on why it should be important for the youth AND their parents to attend worship.

Try to envision this: We are the eggs in the incubator on every Sunday morning at worship. God is ACTIVELY taking part in the worship service as the primary actor. He is forgiving us our sins, hearing our praises and prayers and giving the gifts of the sacraments freely to us every Sunday. He is forming us in the incubator to be His agents, his hands and feet, to go out into the world to do His work.

What parts of worship are used to form us then? When we extend our hands for peace we become peacemakers. We do it because God has extended peace to us then we extend peace to others. When we hear God’s word we become people who dwell in the word. When we sing hymns we become people of praise. When we give an offering we are formed to be people of gratitude. We become prayers who pray for peace in other countries and pray for the sick and the poor. That makes God’s agenda our agenda in the world. It also makes us compassionate people. We also become people who are hospitable. When we welcome all people to Jesus’ table we learn that there is enough for all.

That is an Amazing thing that is happening to us in worship! When you bring your kids to worship on Sunday that is what they are learning, that is what God is actively doing for you and your children every week!! How can you NOT bring your kids? Kids also learn from example: they need to see YOU involved in worship too.

One of the frustrating things about kids though is you don’t think that they’re listening or “getting” anything from worship because all they were doing was coloring or fighting with their siblings. Don’t underestimate that power of God. He is there tending to them in that incubator. You may not see the results right away but the finale will come!

God’s Blessings
Michelle

My First Post 5/9/2010

Well, it's Mother's Day and here's a picture of my kids at Christmas?? I have a lot of individual pictures but not many with all 3 cooperating and smiling!

This years Mother's Day was a bit different. I can truly say that my husband spoiled me on this day when we were married. He always got the kids up to help cook breakfast for me. They usually made me stay in bed until they brought breakfast in with all their handmade and purchased presents. I can remember a lot of the nice gifts my husband got me> I can't remember last years. I can't even remember Mother's Day last year. It was right in the beginning of the end for our marriage. I was contemplating what I should do. I had been contemplating for about a year at that point. It's probably good that I just remember the good Mother's days.

This morning was a little different> I had to wake up the kids-however...the child whom I butt heads with the most (Brett) and who also is the most sensitive is the one who remembered to wish me a "Happy Mother's Day"- and cook me scrambled eggs! They also had their present presentation for me- all the hand-made gifts from school that I save year to year. One of the disappointments was from my oldest..who now in 6th grade does not make hand-made gifts at school- nor does he go out to purchase a gift. It's just sad that he's getting older.

We all went to church as usual but I wanted to have an afternoon to myself without the hassle of making everyone lunch & dinner. Their dad thought this was somehow odd that I wanted to "get rid" of them as he says. I just wanted an afternoon to myself. As things turned out- I ended up going to the movies with my oldest son to see "Iron Man". I know it wasn't his first choice to go with ME- but he went and we shared the popcorn. I know someday that he won't be caught dead with me at the theater-so I took this opportunity instead of staying home alone. I did however take him back to his dad's and came home to cook myself a filet mignon on the grill-(my dad had brought over some and I saved it in the freezer for myself) I started a fire in the fireplace turned on some tunes had a glass of wine or two and enjoyed. I also finished it off with ANOTHER slice of Kahlua cake that I had made for myself on a whim Friday night.

Overall- it was a different Mother's Day for me but it was a good different.

A different road.